Nobody Likes a Dead Cat

Why is it that the only day I call in sick with a migraine from hell:
a) my SheBoss leaves her cell phone on my desk and I have to leave a voicemail (which confuses the HeBoss) that she doesn’t get,
b) a construction crew starts work on the huge apartment complex immediately behind my bedroom window and I can’t sleep through it?
Seriously; Murphy … you and your laws suck ass.
HeBoss called to wonder where I was and I had to re-explain why I’m not in at my desk slaving away right now. I felt bad, but he wasn’t upset, just confused. I took Friday off and so missing Wednesday AND Friday will stress me out a bit. Unfortunately I’m missing dance class tonight … so maybe I can get one of the dancers to teach me the first class’ worth before next week. Maybe. If not oh well. *shrug*

I had a dream about an ex-boyfriend last night. It was an ex from when >TheEx and I took our one-year break in college. He was two years younger than me (and I was a Freshman in college!) and needless to say, it didn’t last. But yeah, it was a weird dream. I woke up and wanted it to continue. LOL Strangeness.

I must return to vegetation in my chair while I watch the last episode of Wonderfalls while scratching my 10-day-old peeling sunburn and then I think I’ll watch Under the Tuscan Sun and it will make me cry.

Edited to add: I called The Oregon Gymnastics Academy about their part-time (3:3o-9pm Mon, 9am-3:30pm Sat & Sun) customer service position and have an interview next Monday at 4pm. I’m excited about it, the woman I spoke with sounded very peppy and gymnastic-y. : )

My state of mind … well, it’s not Oregon. Sorry for those of you left here with my mindless body. *nods* I haven’t been able to sleep lately and am tempted to see if any of my friends have sleeping pills. Until I get insurance coverage (about 30 days) I really can’t afford to see my (regular) doctor and get a prescription filled … GAH!

I’m still stressed … quite a bit … but nothing much I can do about it but sit and wait for it to pass. I start my dance classes tomorrow evening. I’m taking a 7pm Mambo and an 8pm Cha Cha class. It should be a bit of a stress reliever.

I had dinner with my best friend and her family tonight and that was enjoyable.
I work until 1:30pm tomorrow and then have to wait for the cable guy to come over and fix my broken internet. A friend jerry-rigged it for me last night to help.
I need a hair cut & color but have to wait on that.
I made some really good sourdough toast tonight.
I want to go pluck my eyebrows.

There’s your update.

(Mad, I could use a couple hundred bucks. Don’t know how to make that quickly … besides working a corner … but I think that’s going to get in the way of my other job!)

Mr. E. and I are done with. We’ve decided that we both want different things from a relationship and I’m not willing to wait for a(nother) man to (not) change. I spent 40 hours crying and being depressed and then decided to try and get over it. I had an hour-long adult conversation with him today to give things some closure and it did us both well; we feel much better about things. Since we’re in the same circle of friends, I’m sure that I’ll see him around, but there won’t be anymore romance between us. I learned a lot from this relationship and wouldn’t take it back but it hurt for a while.

I am in Castle Rock this weekend with the Ex’s parents. I love them to death and they treat me so well so I love to visit. Tomorrow I will be hiking Mount St. Helens and taking loads of photographs to share with ya’ll. I am doing it alone (don’t worry, it’s flat and easy and SAFE to do this) and REALLY looking forward to spending some time inside my own head again.

I missed my Thursday 13 due to working 12.5 hours yesterday so I’m going to do it later. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow night. Either way I’ll be sharing something.

The sun is shining in my brain/heart/soul again. Wanna know why? Of course you do!
*My first day on the job didn’t kill me. I actually ENJOYED the manual labor that they had me doing. I like BOTH of my bosses and got to use TWO of the three vacuums they own today. (I love to vacuum!)
*I have a place to move to! I got a condo about 2 miles out from where I am now. I am signing the contract tomorrow. I have MY OWN PLACE!!!
*I have a guy looking at my Tamrac backpack, my Nikon camera and all it’s lenses AND the Stamping Up! stamps that I never use. Hopefully it will all go through and I’ll make some money selling this stuff!
*I get to see Mr.E. tonight. He called me after work and asked me to meet him for a beer … but I had to hold off until I meet with these buyers.
*I’m having a good hair day.

I am stressed out today. I think I shall make a list.

+ I start working full-time again tomorrow (10am-6pm Wed & Friday, 10am-4pm on Thursday)
- I still haven’t found a place to live/move to
- I am more than broke … I just checked out my bank account and made a huge mistake in my checkbook so now I’m in the hole … and that has me wanting to cry … so yeah … ya’ll should visit some of the many posts of my two paying blogs. Click on some links and help me earn some money.
- I haven’t started packing since I don’t know where I’m moving
+ Seeing Mr.Cee this weekend was great
++ I also spent a couple of hours with Mr.E. last night. Mr.Cee and he met and they got along
- My body has begun to hurt since I’ve been so stressed out
— I really just want to give up but I know I can’t

edited at 7pm to add
I took pictures of all my stamps, my Nikon camera and my Tamrac camera back and listed them on CraigsList to see if I can sell them. I then also listed 14 books on BookMooch to feel more productive. I’m doing a bit better by actually being productive. Maybe I’ll take a box upstairs in a bit and pack some stuff into it just to feel even MORE productive.

I woke up this morning in a great mood. Why? you ask … well, let me tell you!

1. I heard from Son.E last night. The dance studio wants me to work for them!!!!!!! Son.E wanted to confirm the schedule I’d be willing to work (I am willing to work any day of the week and am flexible on hours. I would ultimately like to work Monday through Friday (or Tuesday through Saturday) from 7am until 3:30pm with a 1/2 an hour lunch somewhere in there. I prefer the mornings for working and would like to work consecutive days just to keep myself in a schedule.) and that I’d actually accept the job if officially offered. Of course I said yes. I expect to hear back from her in the next few days with the shedule (if everything meshes) and I’m THRILLED about that.

2. Today is my birthday BBQ. My MissBean called me yesterday morning to tell me that she was planning a BBQ, a pub crawl, a visit to the classiest strip club in Portland and then a birthday breakfast at our favorite northwest Portland resturant at 2am. I was ecstatic … I didn’t think anyone was going to do anything for my birthday, and I was okay with that, actually. But this is thrilling to me! Yay! So today I shall be hanging out with my friends and creating mayhem all. day. long. I will take pictures. *nods*

3. Tomorrow Mr.E. is taking me to the beach!!! I am SUPER-excited about that. I am going to take my camera (I love links!) and take heaps & tons of photographs with it. Anyway, Mr.E.’s parents have a beach house that we’re going to stay in (he reserved the house for the entire weekend … which makes me think he did it purposefully for my birthday … *swoon*). I love the beach. I haven’t been in a year. I adore playing on the rocks, building things with the sand, and just being 8-years-old all over again. Yippee for hanging out with the guy I really like. *blushes*

4. My birthday is on Tuesday. I will be 25. I have done a lot of shit in 25 years. I am proud of who I am at 25-years-old. I think I will wait to expound on this number until a later date (perhaps my birthday itself?).

5. Next weekend I am going to the beach AGAIN! This trip has me even more excited than this weekend’s trip. Where do I even start with this story? Let’s make it short KC and I met in 7th grade and we dated in 8th grade. In 9th grade he came out and in 10th grade he moved to Toledo, OR to finish school. I saw him in 2000 before he moved away to college. Then he moved to New York City … where he contracted HIV through IV drug use (don’t do drugs!). His husband moved him to London to get clean and they divorced 2 years later. KC moved back to New York City where he (and his pup Gage) have lived for the past 3 years. KC is coming home for his parent’s surprise 25th-anniversary party and I get to go with him! I get to see my KC and I get to spend ALL WEEKEND with my first love ever. I am SO insanely excited about this and I seriously am BOUNCING when I talk to him about it. I get to see his sister Dee and meet her man, and see his parents, and his grandparents, and I haven’t seen them in SEVEN YEARS! aaaaaahhhhh! (that is me being absolutely totally insanely excited, btw!)

6. I made an amazing pot of coffee this morning. I don’t know what came over me, but I was wide awake at 7:30am and then got out of bed around 8:30am … and made the most amazing pot of coffee evAr. I love it. Huge mug + two Splendas + quarter cup of 1% milk = fantabulous cup of wake-up-juice! Mmm mmm good; anyone want some, I have extra I probably shouldn’t drink. LOL

7. MissZoot: 1. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!!! 2. Are we ever going to be able to use Technorati tags in our blogs? 3. Yay for babies!!!! *grins*

8. I need some new music. Anyone want to send me a mixed CD with their favorite stuff on it? I’ll give you my address and make you a mixed CD in return! Let’s do a mixed CD exchange!!!

How about that LOST finale? Kicked ass, ‘eh? I LOVED it. LOVED. IT.

Moving on to scarier things.

I’m almost 25 (as of next Tuesday), divorced and unemployed.
Granted I’m going back to school in September but I feel worthless.
Honestly, it’s that sad and scary to me.
I feel like I have nothing going for me right now.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do.
I have been taking my medication like I should be, but I’m still feeling like a lump of ass.
I have lost all motivation to do anything.
It takes me forever to shower, if I even do so.
I just don’t care anymore.
I hate not caring.
I hate who I’m becoming.
I don’t know how to stop turning into this thing.
I feel stuck.
Stuck in asstastic lumpishness.
Even making lists isn’t working for me … I ignore them.
I never used to ignore my lists … and it makes me want to cry thinking about the fact that I’m ignoring lists now.

Help?

a list to ignore
Thursday
email H (PR) back
call C (PR) to schedule meeting
email SonE thank you note (don’t think the other one got to her)
call Dr. Morrisse … hope dental cleaning before Thursday - get my teeth cleaned on my birthday, whee! fun!

Friday
1pm - interview with law firm
5pm - meet J (potential roommate … PR)
6pm - possible date with Mr.E.

Saturday
1pm - meet C and N (PRs)
out in the evening with MissBean and Mr.E.

Sunday

Monday
11am - meet with K (PR)
dinner with parents

Tuesday
3pm - teeth cleaning
dinner at Rogue for free beer

Would you mind taking a survey for me? Please take my Blog Reader Project survey. Please?

I woke up at the ass crack of dawn spewing forth Tropical Dots and butter pretzels into the white porcelin bowl of the bathroom. It was not pleasant and I feel like ass now. (Do you know how ass feels? Reach back there and feel yours … I probably feel worse that whatever you’re feeling.) I had to call my mom (since I didn’t have my dad’s cell phone number) at 7am and tell her; “mama, I’ve been barfin’” where she promptly told me my dad’s cell phone number. In a migraine drug haze (”those four numbers don’t make sense, mom” ) I asked her to call him. It’s no wonder I don’t have a job. This depresses me. Seriously.

I’m almost 25 (as of next Tuesday), divorced and unemployed. Granted I’m going back to school in September but I feel worthless. Honestly, it’s that sad and scary to me. I feel like I have nothing going for me right now. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do. I have been taking my medication like I should be, but I’m still feeling like a lump of ass. I have lost all motivation to do anything. It takes me forever to shower, if I even do so. I just don’t care anymore. I hate not caring. I hate who I’m becoming. I don’t know how to stop turning into this thing. I feel stuck. Stuck in asstastic lumpishness. Even making lists isn’t working for me … I ignore them. I never used to ignore my lists … and it makes me want to cry thinking about the fact that I’m ignoring lists now. Help?

So, my parents own their own business installing hardwood floors. They’re at a job nearby my house and want me to come and work for them tomorrow doing some racking. This job (in particular) pays Oregon’s prevailing wage … which apparently is about $28/hour. TWENTY EIGHT DOLLARS AN HOUR!! and my parents will LET me work for them. Whaaaa!?! Yeah, this could be great. I may get to spend tomorrow making a boat-load of money. We’ll see.

Yeah, talk about random.

I’m not feeling like myself today … it’s kinda weird. (and yesterday, after I peed, I did wash my hands)

another inspirational photograph I’ve found in my random intArwebs searching

So I had a job interview yesterday that went wonderfully well! SonE and I had lunch together after my interview and talked more about the job. This is for a dance studio here inPortland and it seems like somewhere I would love to work. I could work from 7am to 3:30pm and have my evenings and summer afternoons free, be surrounded by people while I worked, and have some creative room to help out the studio. It felt great to be so enthusiastic about a job. At one point she told me, after looking me right in the eye, “we are going to work great together!” with a big huge smile. I will know on Friday or Saturday and have my fingers crossed for it. Please keep your fingers crossed for me, too!

What else is going on with me?

Uhm, I spent last Saturday night with Mr.E.. It was a good time. We met up with MissBuckeye and went to the Mt. Tabor Art Walk and saw some amazing (and for me, inspiring) nature photography. I met Mr.E.’s mom (she is JUST like I thought she would be. We had an early dinner at Cha Cha Cha (more like stuffed ourselves silly there) and then we went to the Rose City Rollers “scrimmage” derby thing. The roller derby was SO much fun and I hope to get to go again. We went over to Outlaw’s Bar & Grill for the after-party and had a few drinks there. We didn’t last long becuase the band was SO loud and then we headed over to Saucebox for another drink. Afterwards I was beat and so I went home … with Mr.E.. *grin*

Throughout the night he had been acting like he normally does in public … quietly affectionate and flirty … but once it was just us, he was much more affectionate. I’m not much into PDAs, and while he and I haven’t talked about it, I can sense that he isn’t, either, so it doesn’t bother me that things change when we’re alone. As soon as we pulled away from MissBuckey and BowTie (our other friend we were out with) he reached across the car seat, grabbed my hand and literally pulled me in to kiss him. It was hot. LOL We went back to my car and I went to follow him home … but somehow I ended up in front of him and he followed me home. (Are any of you still reading this? LOL) While at home we made out for a while and then got in bed … where we promptly fell asleep wrapped up in one another. We were so PG-13 (well, maybe not, we didn’t have any pants on … lol … is that R-rated?) it was ridiculous, but we were both tired after the full day.

I woke up at 7:40 on Sunday morning and tried to sleep for about an hour before giving up, getting up, and heading home. Mr.E. texted me around 9:45am with “how now brown cow how now brown cow” which made me laugh. He was bummed that I “went home so early … we weren’t done with our date”. That made me giggle … apparently there was more to go on … duh. : P Too bad I couldn’t sleep in.

I spent Sunday with my old friend MrsSmith (no, really, that is her name!) and her two (beautiful) children. Then I came home to relax and learn more about the fact that MissPea and I are really moving to seperate houses. That made me sad and I cried, but I have to move on and I need to learn to live alone.