Nobody Likes a Dead Cat

Mr. E. and I are done with. We’ve decided that we both want different things from a relationship and I’m not willing to wait for a(nother) man to (not) change. I spent 40 hours crying and being depressed and then decided to try and get over it. I had an hour-long adult conversation with him today to give things some closure and it did us both well; we feel much better about things. Since we’re in the same circle of friends, I’m sure that I’ll see him around, but there won’t be anymore romance between us. I learned a lot from this relationship and wouldn’t take it back but it hurt for a while.

I am in Castle Rock this weekend with the Ex’s parents. I love them to death and they treat me so well so I love to visit. Tomorrow I will be hiking Mount St. Helens and taking loads of photographs to share with ya’ll. I am doing it alone (don’t worry, it’s flat and easy and SAFE to do this) and REALLY looking forward to spending some time inside my own head again.

I missed my Thursday 13 due to working 12.5 hours yesterday so I’m going to do it later. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow night. Either way I’ll be sharing something.

These are the photographs of my new house. It was a mess when I took the pictures and it’s actually really clean now. I had to do something to destress myself yesterday evening.

Today I worked 11 hours. I sewed 11.5′ (yes, FOOT) panels to make custom curtains for the ballrooms. These curtains are custom-made … custom-made by ME. I rock at the sewing machine (straight lines, at least) today. And tomorrow. And probably Thursday and Friday as well. I am exhausted but it was productive and made me feel like I really was doing something.

I’m still in a dark place but am taking the itty-bitty beams of light I can find and stretching them out.

Edited to add: Oh, and I have the SOREST boobs ever tonight. NEVER have my boobs been this sore. SERIOUSLY. They are also more swollen and the biggest I think I’ve ever seen them. EvAr. Double-you tea eff, mate!?!? I wanted PMS on top of everything, I really did. *nods*

I’m stealing internet from a neighbor. I have survived two nights alone in my new house and already love it. I live in the land of cardboard boxes right now, but seem to be making progress. Tomorrow my own internet comes (and hopefully it’ll come with a hot internet hooker upper guy, too) and I’ll have a telephone and cable TV then, too. For now I live with fuzzy TV and stolen internet.

I went on a date tonight. The guy, Mr.R was very kind, quite a gentleman, bought me my dinner (butternut squash ravioli in a warm balsamic raspberry sauce) and my beer and he was funny. He is a former Marine corpsman and I think, that if he calls me, I will go out with him again. Maybe this dating thing won’t turn out to be so bad.

Work is still going well … I programmed phones and impressed one of my bosses today … so that was good. It may be two weeks, though, before I start in on my “regular” (7am-3:30pm) hours. That’s okay for now. I will survive.

My entire body hurts from moving and then from a Pirate Pub Crawl (there are pictures, but the camera is with MissBuckeye still) on Saturday night. Gay men can sure dance … I heart gay men. : )

What else? Not much else is going on … just kinda settling in to a new routine in my new house with my new life. It is proving to be new and exciting! *mwah*

Did any of you Portlanders see the Grand Floral Parade yesterday?
Did any of you see the lunatic “groupies” near the Beatles float?
I was one of those lunatics. I loved it.

However, if I never hear Yellow Submarine, Hard Day’s Night or Can’t Buy Me Love again, I’ll die a happy woman!

“Embrace Change” - Gemini Daily Horoscope

Your concern over your economic situation could make you feel less secure about yourself today, which might be because you have put such store in the tangible things in your life. Recognizing that everything is impermanent may be a way for you to see your life in a different way. Should you notice a feeling of lack or need arise at any time during the day, you can look around you and imagine what things will look like in the next 10 years. You might imagine, for example, that everything you have today has changed, aged, or matured in some way. As you picture this, breath into the feeling and let your fears go. The ability to see that change is a natural and essential part of life might help you feel much safer, knowing that in spite of your attempts to hold onto things as they are, they will organically alter in some way.

Change is the only thing in our lives that is constant. Although this may seem contradictory, unless we realize that things in our lives will ebb and flow we will never feel completely safe in our existence. Rather than seeing everything through the lens of fear, however, we can embrace change and see that endless possibilities await us. Once you appreciate the nature of change today, you gain greater confidence in yourself and will be able to open up to the wonderful surprises that will come your way.

rarely do I read my entire horoscope … but today I did … and am thankful that I did.

Last night was heaps & piles of fun (and the birthday girl is the only one not feeling like ass today because she drank just as much water and gatorade as she did beer and cocktails) and Mr.E. is home getting ready to go to beach while I pretend that I’m doing the same. We are leaving in a couple of hours and then we’ll be back tomorrow! Yay for the ocean!

I took a few pictures (actually with both cameras) yesterday and will be uploading those soon, I’ll link ya’ll to ‘em when they’re up! here are some from the park … beware, wine and penis cards involved may not be safe for small children … but there is a little picture of Mr.E. in this batch!

I woke up this morning in a great mood. Why? you ask … well, let me tell you!

1. I heard from Son.E last night. The dance studio wants me to work for them!!!!!!! Son.E wanted to confirm the schedule I’d be willing to work (I am willing to work any day of the week and am flexible on hours. I would ultimately like to work Monday through Friday (or Tuesday through Saturday) from 7am until 3:30pm with a 1/2 an hour lunch somewhere in there. I prefer the mornings for working and would like to work consecutive days just to keep myself in a schedule.) and that I’d actually accept the job if officially offered. Of course I said yes. I expect to hear back from her in the next few days with the shedule (if everything meshes) and I’m THRILLED about that.

2. Today is my birthday BBQ. My MissBean called me yesterday morning to tell me that she was planning a BBQ, a pub crawl, a visit to the classiest strip club in Portland and then a birthday breakfast at our favorite northwest Portland resturant at 2am. I was ecstatic … I didn’t think anyone was going to do anything for my birthday, and I was okay with that, actually. But this is thrilling to me! Yay! So today I shall be hanging out with my friends and creating mayhem all. day. long. I will take pictures. *nods*

3. Tomorrow Mr.E. is taking me to the beach!!! I am SUPER-excited about that. I am going to take my camera (I love links!) and take heaps & tons of photographs with it. Anyway, Mr.E.’s parents have a beach house that we’re going to stay in (he reserved the house for the entire weekend … which makes me think he did it purposefully for my birthday … *swoon*). I love the beach. I haven’t been in a year. I adore playing on the rocks, building things with the sand, and just being 8-years-old all over again. Yippee for hanging out with the guy I really like. *blushes*

4. My birthday is on Tuesday. I will be 25. I have done a lot of shit in 25 years. I am proud of who I am at 25-years-old. I think I will wait to expound on this number until a later date (perhaps my birthday itself?).

5. Next weekend I am going to the beach AGAIN! This trip has me even more excited than this weekend’s trip. Where do I even start with this story? Let’s make it short KC and I met in 7th grade and we dated in 8th grade. In 9th grade he came out and in 10th grade he moved to Toledo, OR to finish school. I saw him in 2000 before he moved away to college. Then he moved to New York City … where he contracted HIV through IV drug use (don’t do drugs!). His husband moved him to London to get clean and they divorced 2 years later. KC moved back to New York City where he (and his pup Gage) have lived for the past 3 years. KC is coming home for his parent’s surprise 25th-anniversary party and I get to go with him! I get to see my KC and I get to spend ALL WEEKEND with my first love ever. I am SO insanely excited about this and I seriously am BOUNCING when I talk to him about it. I get to see his sister Dee and meet her man, and see his parents, and his grandparents, and I haven’t seen them in SEVEN YEARS! aaaaaahhhhh! (that is me being absolutely totally insanely excited, btw!)

6. I made an amazing pot of coffee this morning. I don’t know what came over me, but I was wide awake at 7:30am and then got out of bed around 8:30am … and made the most amazing pot of coffee evAr. I love it. Huge mug + two Splendas + quarter cup of 1% milk = fantabulous cup of wake-up-juice! Mmm mmm good; anyone want some, I have extra I probably shouldn’t drink. LOL

7. MissZoot: 1. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!!! 2. Are we ever going to be able to use Technorati tags in our blogs? 3. Yay for babies!!!! *grins*

8. I need some new music. Anyone want to send me a mixed CD with their favorite stuff on it? I’ll give you my address and make you a mixed CD in return! Let’s do a mixed CD exchange!!!

roses in my parents yard … already in bloom … quite strange to me

I may have mentioned before that I have been trying to lose some weight. I don’t know if I did now, actually. I think I need to weigh myself so I have a starting point. *le sigh* I’m afraid of the numbers that will come up and I’ll have to write it down. Tomorrow morning, I will weigh myself before I eat and before I get into the shower … and of course after I pee. Then I will keep track of things. I guess this also means that I actually have to keep track of my movement, too. I love to run. I don’t know why I haven’t been out running. No, I take that back, I know why I haven’t been running … I’ve been depressed. Blah! Getting fired (even by ass-hats) didn’t help my mood at all.

I have an official date tonight. I’m not nervous, I’ve known the guy for a few years, we just haven’t hung out much in the past year or so. We’ll see how it turns out.

I applied to a few jobs yesterday and got three return phone calls today. I applied at Starbucks last night and so hopefully the manager will call me about that. It’s only part-time, but even that will help me out. My mom, who I adore, offered me some money to help with rent at the end of the month, too; so that’s something a little less to worry about. I’m off to apply for some more jobs now though … whee, this is fun. /sarcasm

A friend made me that icon and it makes me smile. It’s so very true from nannying!

I am a very happy woman. I got to hold BabyDee today! I was the first person (outside of hospital staff, of course) to hold the beautiful big man. BabyDee was born at 1:17am on May 10th and came into the world weighing in at a mighty 9 pounds 13 ounces. He was almost 2 feet long and is incredibly healthy. I saw MamaDee and DadDee (and I will be changing their names now) this morning for a while and they are hanging in there. Both of them are exhausted and so I didnt’ stay too long today. He is taking to breastfeeding like a champ and even though there are some physical limitations for MamaDee, her spirits are high and she is doing so well with it. I used DadDee’s camera (which is the same as mine, actually) to take some pictures but left my camera at home. I figure that when she’s ready, she’ll share pictures, and maybe I’ll share one then, too. I’ll be asking her first though.

On top of all that, I got home today and learned that my Portland Blog has already earned me some money! I’m not supposed to tell you to go and click on them, so I won’t do that, but I’ll let you know that the few clicks I’ve already gotten have already helped make me some moolah! Thanks guys! Want to know about Portland? Check out the blog … I’m not the only writer … but I plan to be a prolific one! : )

I may be going to Mr.E’s house tonight. I haven’t seen him since last week when things were weird, so we’ll see how tonight goes. I had a weird experience today when I ran into the X’s FaceBook page. He has, in the past week or so, changed his “relationship status” from “it’s complicated” to “in a relationship”. I don’t know how I feel about that. I really am torn. Part of me is badly hurt … he left me because “I’m not worth taking care of,” and that he didn’t have time for me, but now he’s in a relationship. Part of me is happy that he’s moving on. Part of me is angry at myself for even caring! I don’t really know how to even address these feelings. *shrug* Maybe now that I’ve “said” it aloud, they’ll resettle and arrange themselves.

I spent a bit of time updating my About me! page and plan on doing a 101 Things About Me to add to it. I am bored today and can’t nap so I’ll make a list instead. Where is everyone?

are these black-eyed Susans?

The title of my journal; nobody likes a dead cat comes from something silly that MissPea once said to me. I was at Mr.E’s house and driving home while I talked to her. She asked me what we had been talking about and I told her “our cats.” I have one dead cat (Moritz) and one cat who lives with the-X’s mom (Max). She asked which cat we talked about, I told her “Moritz.” There was a long pause before she replied; “the dead one? Sarah, nobody likes a dead cat!” and that was that. She doesn’t know about this blog (she does read my other ones though) and so she has no idea that her hilarious line (we use it all the time when we need a giggle) is the title of something important in my life. : )

MissDee is in labor. I spent four hours at the hospital earlier today just hanging out with her. I actually worked on her cross-stitch while talking to her through her contractions and had a nice time. She’s on dose 2 of Cervadil and will be started on Pitocin tomorrow morning if her labor doesn’t continue quickly. She will be incredibly worn out if they don’t fully induce her and so I’m glad that they’re getting things taken care of. It was really great to see her, but it was horrible watching my best friend grimacing in pain. I just wanted to hold on to her and take her pain away … it made me sad; but it means that BabyDee is on his way.

Mr.E. called me last night … he wants to get together tomorrow. I may be with MissDee at the hospital still so I let him know that, but he is acting like everything is absolutely normal. I’m kinda confused by that but am willing to leave the ball in his court. He seems to be playing a game … we’ll see how long I can continue to play with him. He is awfully cute though. *sigh* We’ll see.

I started writing for another blog this week. If you want to know about Portland, check it out. I have only written about two (of my favorite) bars, but I’m going to get paid for it, so I might as well try to pass the word around. I’m linking you to my profile to check out what I’ve written, but you should check out everyone else’s posts if you’re bored.

I also typed out my I’m Reading list as a page here. “I read all the time … and this page is dedicated to the books that I currently have checked out. I may also keep a list of books I’d like to read on this page! Please feel free to leave me suggestions in my comments if you’re reading a book that you think I might like!”

Well, I had a good weekend in Corvallis … I spent a lot of time with MissBean & MissWeen. I’ve known these women since I was in high school. We lived together during college, and spent a lot of time together even after we stopped living together. MissBean lives in Corvallis, MissWeen lives in Roseburg, and MissGee lives here in Portland … so we don’t see each other very often anymore. It was a productive weekend for MissDee’s baby cross-stitch (she is being induced tonight at 8pm … I plan on being up most of the night coaching her through labor and cannot wait!) and it was relaxing. Good to see you girls! : )I uploaded some of my favorite Corvallis pictures (no faces but mine) if you’re interested in checking them out!

Corvallis Favorites

Aaand, I’m finally getting my Cast of Characters page up & going! Hopefully we can all keep track of who is in my life now! ; )