Nobody Likes a Dead Cat

Mr. E. and I are done with. We’ve decided that we both want different things from a relationship and I’m not willing to wait for a(nother) man to (not) change. I spent 40 hours crying and being depressed and then decided to try and get over it. I had an hour-long adult conversation with him today to give things some closure and it did us both well; we feel much better about things. Since we’re in the same circle of friends, I’m sure that I’ll see him around, but there won’t be anymore romance between us. I learned a lot from this relationship and wouldn’t take it back but it hurt for a while.

I am in Castle Rock this weekend with the Ex’s parents. I love them to death and they treat me so well so I love to visit. Tomorrow I will be hiking Mount St. Helens and taking loads of photographs to share with ya’ll. I am doing it alone (don’t worry, it’s flat and easy and SAFE to do this) and REALLY looking forward to spending some time inside my own head again.

I missed my Thursday 13 due to working 12.5 hours yesterday so I’m going to do it later. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow night. Either way I’ll be sharing something.

I can’t get into my Gmail. Gmail notifier says I have THIRTY TWO emails sitting there waiting for me, but it won’t load. I am grouchy about that. Maybe I’ll try using *gag* IE instead of my beloved Firefox to check it out. We’ll see what happens.

I am watching the Diana concert on VH1 right now and didn’t really mean to start watching it, but now I’m hooked. I don’t even like PDiddy and am actually really happy with his performance right now. I can’t imagine being Prince William or Harry and being there to watch this. I would be bawling.

I saw POTC: At World’s End on Friday night with Mr.E.. I loved it. I almost cried. Then I was introduced to some of Mr.E.’s friends later who were great people and I really enjoyed myself. I should probably write an NC-17 post about the events that occurred later because I have to share them with somebody and that somebody gets to be you!

I saw Willie Nelson last night. It was simply the. most. amazing. concert I’ve ever seen. I was blown away. I am going to write an entire post about it because I was inspired by Willie Nelson. That man is intense and impressive.

I’m stealing internet from a neighbor. I have survived two nights alone in my new house and already love it. I live in the land of cardboard boxes right now, but seem to be making progress. Tomorrow my own internet comes (and hopefully it’ll come with a hot internet hooker upper guy, too) and I’ll have a telephone and cable TV then, too. For now I live with fuzzy TV and stolen internet.

I went on a date tonight. The guy, Mr.R was very kind, quite a gentleman, bought me my dinner (butternut squash ravioli in a warm balsamic raspberry sauce) and my beer and he was funny. He is a former Marine corpsman and I think, that if he calls me, I will go out with him again. Maybe this dating thing won’t turn out to be so bad.

Work is still going well … I programmed phones and impressed one of my bosses today … so that was good. It may be two weeks, though, before I start in on my “regular” (7am-3:30pm) hours. That’s okay for now. I will survive.

My entire body hurts from moving and then from a Pirate Pub Crawl (there are pictures, but the camera is with MissBuckeye still) on Saturday night. Gay men can sure dance … I heart gay men. : )

What else? Not much else is going on … just kinda settling in to a new routine in my new house with my new life. It is proving to be new and exciting! *mwah*

The sun is shining in my brain/heart/soul again. Wanna know why? Of course you do!
*My first day on the job didn’t kill me. I actually ENJOYED the manual labor that they had me doing. I like BOTH of my bosses and got to use TWO of the three vacuums they own today. (I love to vacuum!)
*I have a place to move to! I got a condo about 2 miles out from where I am now. I am signing the contract tomorrow. I have MY OWN PLACE!!!
*I have a guy looking at my Tamrac backpack, my Nikon camera and all it’s lenses AND the Stamping Up! stamps that I never use. Hopefully it will all go through and I’ll make some money selling this stuff!
*I get to see Mr.E. tonight. He called me after work and asked me to meet him for a beer … but I had to hold off until I meet with these buyers.
*I’m having a good hair day.

I am stressed out today. I think I shall make a list.

+ I start working full-time again tomorrow (10am-6pm Wed & Friday, 10am-4pm on Thursday)
- I still haven’t found a place to live/move to
- I am more than broke … I just checked out my bank account and made a huge mistake in my checkbook so now I’m in the hole … and that has me wanting to cry … so yeah … ya’ll should visit some of the many posts of my two paying blogs. Click on some links and help me earn some money.
- I haven’t started packing since I don’t know where I’m moving
+ Seeing Mr.Cee this weekend was great
++ I also spent a couple of hours with Mr.E. last night. Mr.Cee and he met and they got along
- My body has begun to hurt since I’ve been so stressed out
— I really just want to give up but I know I can’t

edited at 7pm to add
I took pictures of all my stamps, my Nikon camera and my Tamrac camera back and listed them on CraigsList to see if I can sell them. I then also listed 14 books on BookMooch to feel more productive. I’m doing a bit better by actually being productive. Maybe I’ll take a box upstairs in a bit and pack some stuff into it just to feel even MORE productive.

Last night I went on a blind date that my ex-husband set me up on. I shall never do that again.
The guy only talked about his work and school. He was boring. I escaped early because of it.
Blind dates are dumb.

Mr.E. texted me this morning … “It is a very nice day. What are you up to today? I might get done before too late. Maybe we could see each other for a bit?” … awwww … *le sigh* … I like this guy but I can’t let myself get attached. Or maybe I can … I’m scared. Scrrrrrd! He knows I’m going away for the weekend (picking up GayCee at 6:44pm!!!!!!!!!!!) and so he wants to see me before I “run away.” I’m flattered. I’m smitten. I’m SCRRRRRRRD!

I also have been talking to another guy online lately … Mr.I. He’s talkative … and I like that. Boys need to talk … they have to hold a conversation with me people! H

First (and this has been edited to add), Mad’s haiku today really hits home.

So, I haven’t written about my birthday weekend yet, have I? : ) Who wants to know more? *points at you* Okay, I’ll tell you.

Friday
+ was supposed to have a date with Mr.E.
- he had to cancel it since he was running really late
- & + I hung out by myself watching TV

Saturday
+ BBQ was fun, we played Kings in the park with penis cards
- MissBean’s allergies bothered her so badly we had to go home early
+ We decided to rent a movie before going out
- We watched The Holiday
+ MamaCeeta came out and we drank wine straight from the bottle together
+ Blood orange margaritas at the Brazen Bean
+ I wore the Happy Birthday tiara all night long
+ I got to get drunk
- I drank a lot of water and Gatorade all night long (I had to pee sooooo much!)

Sunday
+ I woke up at 8am wide awake and feeling great (water & Gatorade helped!)
- Everyone else was hungover and there was much barfing going on
- MissBean was so sick she couldn’t go to the beach with us
+ Mr.E. and I went to the beach alone.
+ We walked on the beach for almost 2 hours being silly together (and I took lots of pictures)
- We saw a dead sea lion on the beach : (
+ He snuck a kiss (in public!) on the beach
+ Tried a new beer
+ Watched Get Shorty and laughed
+++++ Sex.
+ Best night’s sleep in weeks!

Monday
+ Slept in
+ Read in bed
- Traffic on the way home
+ Had to go home
- Rushed once home to meet GeeParents
+ had a great martini, dinner, and cheesecake with my parents
+ good, funny, conversation
- had to send them home
+ went to bed early after a relaxing evening

Tuesday
+ MY BIRTHDAY!
- woke up early
+ putzed for most of the morning
- had my teeth cleaned at the dentist
+ met up with MissBean, MissBuckeye and MrJay for happy hour drinks and food
+ went to the Rogue Brewery for my free yard of beer
- wasn’t a member of the club to get a free beer
+ MissBuckeye bought me a yard of beer instead
+ went over to OnDeck to have some food and another beer
+ Mr.E. finally met up with us for a beer
+ went home with Mr.E.
- stayed up until 3:30am watching a movie

I had the most amazing time with Mr.E. at the beach. I will write about that in a bit, I want this post to be here, too, though.

Today I turn 25. At 1:50pm, 25 years ago, my mom (naturally) gave birth to me. Kinda scary to think about. Anyway, happy birthday to me … I’m officially 1/2-way to fifty.

My parents drove up to take me to dinner (and give me boxes and tape and a present!) and mom asked me at one point if I felt old … and I don’t, but I feel weird. “I’m 25 and divorced.” Neither of my parents had much to say about that … I think it made them uncomfortable, but we moved on shortly thereafter. This morning I woke up early and spent a little while thinking about the things that I’ve done in the past 25 years that have made me incredibly proud; I don’t have much material on my mind for REAL mental and emotional health, but concentrating on my OWN mental and emotional health, I thought I’d list some of the things I’m more proud of from the past 25 years.

~I learned to read at an exceptionally early age. I was barely 4 when I read books aloud to strangers. My dad took me to jobsites with him and I impressed teachers by “reading” to them. They assumed that I was going to make up the stories and then I actually read the book to them. I read all the time still; I love to read.

~I wrote a story that was published when I was in 3rd grade. It was a HORRIBLE story about a horse who had trouble walking. I named the horse Sarah. Psychologically there is probably something strange about that. “Readers dream, dreamers write.” I both dream and write … this is a pretty cool thing to me.

~I joined the Talented and Gifted program in 4th grade. I was a smart kid. I still feel like a smart kid most days. (I stayed in TAG until they disbanded it in 8th grade.)

~I started my own business in the 6th grade, selling and teaching about owl pellets. My friend Brandi and I made good money doing this. We collected the owl pellets from her grandpa’s barn, sold them for a dollar a piece (school science catalogs sold them for $4 a piece) and our elementary school principal drove us to other schools to give presentations and teach younger kids about owls and mice. It’s gross, but we made money and teachers thought we were super-cool.

~In 8th grade, I was the top English student in my “neighborhood.” Our grade was split into two neighborhoods (I was in the gold one, and the other was the blue one) and I got to be the top English student. I got a pretty plaque and my parents were invited to a ceremony and I won an award and all that stuff. I still have the plaque and am STILL proud of this.

~In 10th grade I was accepted into the GAPP (German-American Partnership Program) by my high school German teacher. My family hosted an exchange student (Britta) and then six months later I spent 5 weeks in Germany. I loved this time and learned much about myself. I was 16 (my gosh, this doesn’t feel like it was a DECADE ago!) and had an amazing time!

~I graduated high school. I was in the top 10.15%. I was ONE person off of being in the top 10% of my graduating class and actually felt awful having to sit with the “regular” people. That sounds horribly pretentious, but all my friends were in the first row … and I was way back with the H’s. : ( I survived and I know that it was only a numbers game, but still. I graduated high school!

~I got accepted to the only college I applied to; Oregon State University. Looking back I feel DUMB for only applying to ONE school since I was such a good student in high school (and very, very active!). Who knows where I could have gone if I had decided to be brave and GO somewhere!

~In college I was continually on the Dean’s List and honor roll. I was invited to join honor societies (and I think I joined one … LOL … I can’t really remember) even though I barely passed Chemistry. I got one B in my major (German) in four years and am incredibly proud of such a high college major GPA.

~After my divorce, I have survived and THRIVED. I am a happy, strong, capable woman, and I have learned more about myself in the past 11 months than I had in the previous 11 years. I am incredibly proud of myself for these things.

So, yeah, I’ve done plenty of things to be proud of in the past 25 years. I have no regrets and wouldn’t change a thing … otherwise I wouldn’t be who I am. As a birthday present to me; leave me a comment and tell me why you’re proud of yourself!

“Embrace Change” - Gemini Daily Horoscope

Your concern over your economic situation could make you feel less secure about yourself today, which might be because you have put such store in the tangible things in your life. Recognizing that everything is impermanent may be a way for you to see your life in a different way. Should you notice a feeling of lack or need arise at any time during the day, you can look around you and imagine what things will look like in the next 10 years. You might imagine, for example, that everything you have today has changed, aged, or matured in some way. As you picture this, breath into the feeling and let your fears go. The ability to see that change is a natural and essential part of life might help you feel much safer, knowing that in spite of your attempts to hold onto things as they are, they will organically alter in some way.

Change is the only thing in our lives that is constant. Although this may seem contradictory, unless we realize that things in our lives will ebb and flow we will never feel completely safe in our existence. Rather than seeing everything through the lens of fear, however, we can embrace change and see that endless possibilities await us. Once you appreciate the nature of change today, you gain greater confidence in yourself and will be able to open up to the wonderful surprises that will come your way.

rarely do I read my entire horoscope … but today I did … and am thankful that I did.

Last night was heaps & piles of fun (and the birthday girl is the only one not feeling like ass today because she drank just as much water and gatorade as she did beer and cocktails) and Mr.E. is home getting ready to go to beach while I pretend that I’m doing the same. We are leaving in a couple of hours and then we’ll be back tomorrow! Yay for the ocean!

I took a few pictures (actually with both cameras) yesterday and will be uploading those soon, I’ll link ya’ll to ‘em when they’re up! here are some from the park … beware, wine and penis cards involved may not be safe for small children … but there is a little picture of Mr.E. in this batch!

I woke up this morning in a great mood. Why? you ask … well, let me tell you!

1. I heard from Son.E last night. The dance studio wants me to work for them!!!!!!! Son.E wanted to confirm the schedule I’d be willing to work (I am willing to work any day of the week and am flexible on hours. I would ultimately like to work Monday through Friday (or Tuesday through Saturday) from 7am until 3:30pm with a 1/2 an hour lunch somewhere in there. I prefer the mornings for working and would like to work consecutive days just to keep myself in a schedule.) and that I’d actually accept the job if officially offered. Of course I said yes. I expect to hear back from her in the next few days with the shedule (if everything meshes) and I’m THRILLED about that.

2. Today is my birthday BBQ. My MissBean called me yesterday morning to tell me that she was planning a BBQ, a pub crawl, a visit to the classiest strip club in Portland and then a birthday breakfast at our favorite northwest Portland resturant at 2am. I was ecstatic … I didn’t think anyone was going to do anything for my birthday, and I was okay with that, actually. But this is thrilling to me! Yay! So today I shall be hanging out with my friends and creating mayhem all. day. long. I will take pictures. *nods*

3. Tomorrow Mr.E. is taking me to the beach!!! I am SUPER-excited about that. I am going to take my camera (I love links!) and take heaps & tons of photographs with it. Anyway, Mr.E.’s parents have a beach house that we’re going to stay in (he reserved the house for the entire weekend … which makes me think he did it purposefully for my birthday … *swoon*). I love the beach. I haven’t been in a year. I adore playing on the rocks, building things with the sand, and just being 8-years-old all over again. Yippee for hanging out with the guy I really like. *blushes*

4. My birthday is on Tuesday. I will be 25. I have done a lot of shit in 25 years. I am proud of who I am at 25-years-old. I think I will wait to expound on this number until a later date (perhaps my birthday itself?).

5. Next weekend I am going to the beach AGAIN! This trip has me even more excited than this weekend’s trip. Where do I even start with this story? Let’s make it short KC and I met in 7th grade and we dated in 8th grade. In 9th grade he came out and in 10th grade he moved to Toledo, OR to finish school. I saw him in 2000 before he moved away to college. Then he moved to New York City … where he contracted HIV through IV drug use (don’t do drugs!). His husband moved him to London to get clean and they divorced 2 years later. KC moved back to New York City where he (and his pup Gage) have lived for the past 3 years. KC is coming home for his parent’s surprise 25th-anniversary party and I get to go with him! I get to see my KC and I get to spend ALL WEEKEND with my first love ever. I am SO insanely excited about this and I seriously am BOUNCING when I talk to him about it. I get to see his sister Dee and meet her man, and see his parents, and his grandparents, and I haven’t seen them in SEVEN YEARS! aaaaaahhhhh! (that is me being absolutely totally insanely excited, btw!)

6. I made an amazing pot of coffee this morning. I don’t know what came over me, but I was wide awake at 7:30am and then got out of bed around 8:30am … and made the most amazing pot of coffee evAr. I love it. Huge mug + two Splendas + quarter cup of 1% milk = fantabulous cup of wake-up-juice! Mmm mmm good; anyone want some, I have extra I probably shouldn’t drink. LOL

7. MissZoot: 1. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!!! 2. Are we ever going to be able to use Technorati tags in our blogs? 3. Yay for babies!!!! *grins*

8. I need some new music. Anyone want to send me a mixed CD with their favorite stuff on it? I’ll give you my address and make you a mixed CD in return! Let’s do a mixed CD exchange!!!